ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
