dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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