and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
