Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
