you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
3pm strippers are depressing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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