dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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