We won't sleep together?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
