who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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