I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
