so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
