There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Randomize
