forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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