It's Friday. Sex?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
