I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
