LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
