no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
