Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
