He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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