I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
