i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
