Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
