I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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