he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
