I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
