I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
