Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
