Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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