I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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