im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
