the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My life is pants optional.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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