someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
