Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
