Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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