weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
