The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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