Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
