Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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