i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
