my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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