i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
