I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
