winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my shit smells like andre
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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