I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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