Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize