I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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