I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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