Swine flu. Run for my life!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
