If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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