Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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