Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Green mimosas i think yes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
