Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
