how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
