She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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