Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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