Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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