when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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