I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
