I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
