I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
